Galvantula is for Losers

When the first Black and White set came out, most of you probably had your eyes on that Revenge Bouffalant. Or Reshiram and Zekrom. Or the Stage 2 versions of the starters. Well, But to be honest, there were only two cards that really interested me. And those cards were both Joltik.

HP-wise, Joltik has a pretty solid 30 to 40 HP. That means you can withstand several Glide attacks from Zubat UL! Combined with a healing attack, Potion, Defender, Junk Arm, and other healing cards, Joltik can practically live forever! A standard healing list should look like this:

Pokémon – 4

4 Joltik BLW #45

Trainers – 20

4 Defender

4 Potion

4 Moomoo Milk

4 Life Herb

4 Junk Arm

Energy – 15

15 Lightning

This leaves 21 spots for techs!

Techs

4-4-4 Serperior Line

pokebeach.comMake sure to run the Promo Snivy if you want to be competitive. It has an effect with its first attack. And make sure it is the Ability Serperior. Serperior has a healing effect, and heals lots of damage off of Joltik! With a couple Serperiors out, Joltik will NEVER die, except for in the unlikely scenario that it is 1HKOed (psssh).

4-4-4 Bellossom line

Throw in 4 Oddish, 4 Gloom, and 4 Bellossom UD. Bellossom is like Serperior, except for it heals twice as slowly. But Bellossom actually adds a whole new level of strategy into your Joltik-playing game. See, Bellossom can be Grumpig-locked. So you play Bellosum, they bring up their Grumpig (everyone techs one these days), and you kill the Grumpig with Joltik! It’s actually a really good strategy! Also it will mess with your opponent’s mind!

Max Potion

You need to be running Max Potion. Actually, it is supposed to be in the skeleton list, but I was too lazy to put it over there :-P. Max Potion can FULLY HEAL A JOLTIK. I’m not sure if you understand how effective that is, but you’re healing off TENS of damage. That is too good not to run.

Blissey Prime

Imagine you could evolve a Chansey into a Max Potion. Well ta-da! Here you go. This will also draw out your opponents’ Grumpigs.

The second way you can run Joltik is by abusing Joltik EP’s high damage output. This thing can hit for ten damage with no PlusPowers. That’s enough to 1HKO a Mysterious Fossil! Adding PlusPowers into the mix, this static insect can hit for a lot of damage. Also the colorless energy requirement makes him quite splashable.

Pokémon – 4

4 Joltik EP

Trainers – 12

4 PlusPower

4 Junk Arm

4 Black Belt

Energy – 15

15 Psychic

SO MUCH ROOM FOR TECHS OH MY GODDESS

Techs

Kingdra Prime

pokebeach.comThis should be run in a 4-4-4 line to maximize Spray Splash potential.

Good Rod and Recycle

These cards are to recycle your PlusPowers and Good Rod can save your Joltik god forbid it gets 1HKOed by some heavy hitting monster.

You are about to see the disruptive side of Joltik as well. First of all, Joltik BLW #44 has an attack with a paralyzing effect. So it is possible that Joltik can attack unhindered all game*

*Actually it’s not.

The second best disruption card in the game (besides Joltik of course) is Judge. So we must run 4-of those. Also, Vileplume is very disruptive. So let’s run a 4-4-4-of that (go consistency). Team Rocket’s Trickery also inhibits your opponent. So we should throw in 4-of those as well.

Also, did anyone see that Ambipom-Weavile-Slowking did incredibly well at Canadian Nats? We have to have Weavile and Slowking in here. So our list looks like:

Pokémon – 32

4 Joltik BLW #44

4 Oddish

4 Gloom

4 Vileplume

4 Sneasel

4 Weavile

4 Slowpoke

4 Slowking

Trainers – 8

4 Judge

4 Team Rocket’s Trickery

Energy – 15

15 Lighting

So that leaves us with 5 spots for techs. If I were to actually test this, I would add in 5 more Lightning Energy, y’know, just for consistency. Or if you’re a real jerk, you should play some split of Lost Remover and Crush Hammer. But YOUR JOLTIK HAS NEVER FELT SO DISRUPTIVE :D.

pokebeach.com

Or course, Joltik has a glaring weakness: It gets lonely! Yes, even Joltik gets lonely. So we take our barebones Joltik skeleton list:

===

Pokémon – 4

4 Joltik (all 3)

Trainers – 0

Energy – 56

56 Lightning

===

Yanmega Prime: Yanmega was in most of the Top 16 decks at Nats. So it must be good. Honestly.And we add some supportive techs to keep Joltik company.

Magnezone Prime: Magnezone was in the deck that won Worlds. Therefore it HAS to be good.

Gothitelle: This card was in the new set. And it was hyped. So let’s pop it in.

2 Bottom halves of -Deoxis Legend: This half card hit 40 bucks. Half of a card for 40 bucks? Damn. It is going in the deck.

Donphan: This is an amazing card. 1 for 60 is huge. So that means our list is:

Pokémon – 14

4 Joltik

2 Yanmega Prime TM

2 Magnezone Prime TM

2 Gothitelle EP

2 Rayquaza & Deoxys Legend UD (bottom halves)

2 Donphan Prime

Trainers – 0

Energy – 46

46 Lighting

Joltik will always have his friends to support him.

Lastly, to end things, matchups.

Matchups

To be incredibly honest, all matchups are 100/0. As long as you stick with Joltik, you cannot lose.

Peace :D

Reader Interactions

53 replies

  1. Anonymous

    Just didn’t make me feel the same way that Sea Blaster did : (

  2. aura

    Crap, my battle roads are RUINED because of Joltik… it does 20 to my tornadus! I’ll always lose now!

  3. aura

    Crap, my battle roads are RUINED because of Joltik… it does 20 to my tornadus! I’ll always lose now!

  4. Taylor Pagani

    Sea Blaster was hilarious. This felt way too forced and obnoxious.

  5. Jak Stewart-Armstead

    Joltik is adorable and deserves better.

    Adam? Are you feeling ok, mate?

  6. Jak Stewart-Armstead

    Joltik is adorable and deserves better.

    Adam? Are you feeling ok, mate?

  7. Anonymous

    When you mentioned Weavile and Slowking, I was honestly expecting a 0-4 line of both.

  8. Andrew Carbon

    I love this list in so many ways.  It makes my sides hurt. 

  9. Sam Marshall-Smith

    Why do I suck so much at using DISQUS profiles!?! 

  10. Matthew Tidman

    How is Joltik’s matchup versus Scolipede Swarm?

    Better question: Can Joltik be added into Scolipede Swarm to make it more awesome?

  11. nilay patel

    If someone legitly takes this somewhere and wins cuz their opponent had horrible luck I will laugh my head of

  12. dons

    I get it, Joltik is not a good card at all. I just fail to see the humor in this article. Not to mention, I think one could make a decent Galvantula deck.

  13. Joshua Pikka

    I don’t know how that stupid rating system works on here, but I am tempted to learn so I can vote this down.  

  14. theo Seeds

    Now I know what I’ll be playing at br’s. Thanks!

  15. John DiCarlo

    It didn’t win worlds because no one had thought of it.

  16. Chase Nieman

    This is crap. Who apporved this garbage for front page?

  17. Joshua Hall

    I think I’d add a tech spinarak and tech grass energy to go for the auto-win vs any cleffa.  I mean, Spiders and Ticks, gotta get along.

  18. Jonathan Tyrrell

    Am I playing World of Warcraft? There seems to be a lot of trolls around

  19. theo Seeds

    Joltik’s matchups

    80-20 vs. Zubat

    OMG! This is an awesome matchup for you because you hit Zubat for x2 weakness! this means you are doing TWENTY DAMAGE!That means you will have killed 6 Zubat before they have killed 6 of your Joltik if you run one with 40 HP.

    60-40 vs. Hoppip

    If you have 40 HP and they have 30 and you both do 10 damage then this should be great! Just make sure that you heal it.

    100-0 vs. Galvantula

    Uh, HELLO? You are FASTER than that big hairy spider. Just make sure you keep them from attacking with Joltik.

  20. Nestly

    Omg this review is so helpful!  I never knew the abilities of Joltik. Now I do.

    Thank you.

    *coughnotcough*

  21. Red Ados

    Some clarifications for newer players:
    1: NEVER run a 4-4-4 Vileplume. Ever.
    2: NEVER run an 0-X line of anything unless you are runnning Mew.
    3: Run staples like Collector, Pokemon Communication, Catcher, and PONT.
    Hope that helps with people confused by the list. This was a joke.

  22. Garrett F

    Is this supposed to be a good deck? Or is it a joke? I’m confused…

  23. Anonymous

    best article ever. i don’t even care if its a joke, its better than the same rehashed info and makes the game much more light heart-ed.

  24. Travis Yeary

    As the creator of the deck “Sea Blaster”, I have to admit defeat. This deck is the only deck to ever beat Sea Blaster. I play tested it, and Joltik beat Sea Blaster with all the deck variations up there. Tomorrow I shall return to beneath the earth, and create a deck that will beat even this one.

    See you in 8 years.

  25. beyblade1410

    I’m playing this deck for battle roads I bet it can bet donphan and reshiphlosion…

Leave a Reply

You are logged out. Register. Log in.